21 October 2006


Went to the doctor yesterday. I have to see an opthamologist now. There are like so many specialists it's not funny: cardiologist, hemotologist, neurologist, perinatologist (who i see infrequently but still) and now the opthamologist. They think on top of the clotting mutations and the blood disorders, they think I have Sjogren's Syndrome, which is where my immune system attacks my lubrication system. (Tear ducts, salivary glands, what lubricates my joints, everything.) They say that would explain the constant joint pain without arthritis, and also why I get dehydrated even when I drink alot. DAMN IT. I'm sick of medical problems. I asked how this would affect pregnancy and the doctor put his hand on my shoulder and he said "You have a life threatening illness (???????) and we can work on that when we get you to a stable place medically." So I kind of looked at him and I was like, I just didn't know it was that serious. And he was like, since when were strokes not serious?

I guess I just want to not care, but I know I have to care, I have to exercise and eat better (I have been actually, for both) so I can live past 40 or whatever but when I care and think about doing better I think about how dangerous it actually is and it kind of makes me panic.

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