16 October 2006

More...alas, more.

I looked up TCK groups on MySpace and I read through descriptions and it didn't seem applicable. It was all about, if you lived in another country as a kid. And granted, as a kid I was given a sense of Euro-pride and upbringing, but...not the same, really. And its not like I can really talk about it anyway. I dont want my dad to hate me. Tannah does understand, in a way, but he doesn't really notice. It's a non-issue to him.

We started making new October-December memories a few years ago (I really hate all those months, but October being the first makes it worse somehow.) I don't like any holidays, Christmas included, it feels pagan, I know being Christian I should love it but it doesn't feel Christian, all the commercialism involved but last year Tannah agreed to take down anything not Christ-centered, (we do have a Christmas ornament that our church gave us, in memory of the church since part of it was destroyed in a remodel, and an ornament for Gabriel, but we got rid of like, cartoon character and like, Star Trek ornaments that are typical in his family.) Not wrong...they have no problem worshipping that way but I do. It makes me feel like, well, it's pagan, like I said. Almost like going through the motions of trying to force it to be Christian. Having been Jehovahs Witness, having been Wiccan, having been in quasi-...cultish...stuff, when I want to celebrate Christ I want to do it wholly and completely, because I don't want it twisted somehow.

No comments: