27 February 2006

Stacy, I said I would, and you know me better than that.

Ha! You didn't think I'd tell everyone that you're a total bitch when you're at work; but I will say that you're only a bitch when you need to be. You know who we're talking about. Keep him in line, girl!! And I'll also tell everyone that you're an awesome listener and friend, and that you let me use your OCIP hardhat on the weekends. Because you rock.

Hugs to Pooh for me...your Pooh, lol....

And I have a shitload of homework to do on XFMRs (transformers...and not like, Autobots or Decepticons, although that would be cool) and I can't even find my books. I get so lazy...and bored...this time of year, 2nd semester at school. I can't wait for the year to be over so I can get my raise. Greedy me. Can you believe James (my 3rd year instructor) is going to try to fit in a pipe-bending lab, a soldering lab, and and hoisting and rigging lab this year? Is he on crack?

I have to update my certs on forklift, scissorlift, boomlift and CPR/1st aid. My buddy Safety John said I need my certs in my pocket...and of course, they aren't. This summer is going to suck ass. Maybe I can go for the ultimate and try to fit in welding too...nah, maybe next year.

26 February 2006

It's been 6 months...

It seems like it's been a lot longer, actually. Our Gabriel Taeyang was born six months ago today. He also died that day. Even though he was with us for such a short amount of time I think about him every day. And it's unbelievable now, how I even got through the days after he was gone. It's all a blur: being released from the hospital, starting my third year of school, identifying his body, going back to work, attending his funeral...all within a week. People tell me they wouldn't have been able to do it, they don't know how I'm even sane right now. But sometimes you just have to, there's no choice. You deal with the repercussions later. How do soldiers deal with war? Much in the same way, from what I'm told. You look back to your training, and we've all been trained in one way or another: through life experience or through the experiences of others.

What was I going to do, shut down? I could have...God, it was tempting. I'll be truthful, I don't remember all that much from those days, perhaps that first month afterwards. I remember reading all I could on thrombophilia--the reason Gabriel was born so prematurely--trying to understand. Wondering how no one caught it earlier, given that I've had miscarriages before.

But yes...it's been six months. I've learned alot, and I've definitely grown alot. There's a new level of maturity, I guess, that's gained with the loss of a child. I really wish I could have gained it some other way. But God's been a defining support for me, and I've been blessed with family and friends who support me to, and who are equally supportive of Tannah. It just seems that sometimes, the fathers are left to grieve on their own and I'm glad it's not the case with us.