23 August 2006

Not sure how to fix this:

I have a really horrible and (somewhat) childish character trait. It's embarassing to admit but no matter how often I tell myself I need to just stop, I keep on it. And what's worse, I'm not brazen enough to do it outright. I'm completely passive about it, which is pretty lame.

I have this driving need to instigate people who get too-easily worked up over their own deep-rooted anger and insecurities. I don't know why. For instance, at work, there's a guy who keeps writing "Down with Islam" on the unfinished walls at work. (That sounds worse than it is; everyone writes on the unfinished walls, it's at a construction site and it's just something that's done, period. It's all covered up in the end, no worries.) But anyway, I have the most insane urge to write "Allahu akbar" ("Praise Allah", in Arabic) underneath it. I'm not Muslim, though I did some intense studying of it in the past. I know if this guy saw me do this, I'd probably get into an uncomfortable situation, but I look at what he writes and it just screams to me...he's led by media and his own ignorance to degrade and loathe an entire group, and it disgusts me.

In the same manner, there's another guy at work who is very vocal about despising Hispanics, because "those beaners are invading my country". My own ideas of immigration (unlawful and otherwise) notwithstanding, I just don't like how he goes about voicing his discrimination. He's fluent in Spanish but refuses to let his kids learn...which is fine, really; his choice. But I have some friends at work with whom I speak Spanish, and he confronts me about "enabling" them to not have to learn English. I explained that in a nation that promotes free speech, I'm happy to speak whichever language I like, with whomever I like, wherever I like, and no one's going to stop me. Aside from that, some of them are aiming to improve their English, and when I'm trying to explain a term or meaning, sometimes it's easier to compare in their native language, then re-explain in English. I know I learn better that way. But after my explanation, he started screaming about it--not at me, he insisted, but toward me--and I'll honestly say, that urge rose again. And now I go out of my way to speak Spanish to every Hispanic guy on the jobsite, in his presence.

Tannah says I'm going to wind up getting hit. And even that's an issue...my first thought when I'm threatened with that at work is, "Go ahead, I'll own you." I think I should be afraid or something.

1 comment:

L said...

heh heh.... not necessarily a bad character trait though :)