23 November 2008

Really knowing someone.

Alone now, and thinking: how well can I know someone? And how well would I want to know them?

I try to be very careful with what I reveal to others. I can be pretty candid on this blog, but in many cases, names, locations, even dates are changed. I don't want to be easily tracked. Things I don't want to be connected to at all simply aren't listed here, or anywhere else in writing. I've been known to lie on occasion to cover an undesirable truth.

I know I'm not the only one. Mark Twain said, "Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody", and I fully believe that. We all have secret lives, secret pasts, secrets loves and desires, secret hatreds, secret vices, secret talents. No one knows me fully, not one. I prefer it that way. And some have told me that to keep myself so compartmentalised robs me of my vitality but I find I encounter far less drama that way. I don't really believe in unconditional love under most circumstances; humans are simply not perfect and judge on bias, fear or envy.

It took a long time for me to understand how to gauge what parts of me were safe to show to others, and even longer for me to know which parts were safe for which types of people. And I know it makes sense to most everyone: we all have our home selves, our work and school selves, things of that nature. And of course we might censor ourselves around kids, or our parents or supervisors. We learn those things, mostly, as we grow up and realise the consequences for letting out the wrong part at the wrong time.

Nonetheless, sometimes I get to thinking about my own dark side, and what secrets I hold. I don't feel alone in sharing it with no one, because I know everyone is hiding aspects of themselves from me as well. But when I do think on what I hide--consciously and subconsciously--I can't help but to think about others, as well. I don't usually ask probing questions because I feel if I respect the privacy of others, they'll respect mine...however, I'm still curious. It's natural to be.

And then I think that perhaps it's best I don't know. Secrets are private for a reason. I only have to think about something deep inside me that might accidentally tumble out, and I can envision the responses, the aftermath...not good. So I can understand, of course. Everyone's in that exact same position. It's strange to me in a way, that we all have these aspects about us that are so guarded, and part of me thinks that if we all came out with it and lived honestly we'd be in a better place. But then rationality kicks in and honestly, we're all judgmental at some level, no one is 100% tolerant (or even close to it) so it'd never work.

We're all resigned to our hidden selves. I guess it doesn't matter really, because I'm not the only one hiding things. But the entire situation gets me in a pensive mood at times.


Kris said...

If it makes you feel any better, you can always ask me. I don't mind if you're curious, and I don't tend to ask questions in return.

BBC said...

My son lives in Vegas, mostly because he is an idiot. Vegas is okay to visit, been there many times, but a stupid place to live.

I don't have a hidden self, I put it all out there.

BBC said...

Ah shit, I didn't notice that you did comment moderation or I may not have left the first comment.

People that do comment moderation have low self esteem.

Flashtrigger said...

It can be a stupid place to live, I agree; but work's good here, even as slow as it is. Not so sure I agree on the self-esteem issues, though. I don't censor comments, I just read them.

BedsideTalesMan said...

I for one believe in keeping it real. I speak my mind and pst my life on my blog.

People like honesty and HATE fake.

I love your blog.

Sadie said...

It is interesting...I always think of what people hide and why they hide things. Like they are censoring my view or opinion of them. Creating themselves for me - not just me, but the rest of the world. People are crazy...you could trip out on human behavior for years and years I think. Just when you think you've got one behavior down, someone will throw you off kilter.

Nicole said...

I find my secrets and dark side difficult to keep hidden. That's not to say I blab everything to everyone. That would be stupid. It's just that these hidden parts do manage to slip out in other ways- in the things I say and in my behaviour.

Sometimes keeping things in can come at too much of a cost. But although I like the idea of being fully open, sometimes the fallout of being "real" is worse than just keeping some things to yourself.

Gadfly said...

Damn, BBC! Learn to STFU when you don't understand what you're dealing with!

Granted, this one can handle your misogynistic snark ... but she shouldn't have to. She's a beautiful human being, inside even more than outside!

Ya gnarly old curmudgeon! If you want to be a bastard to somebody, do it to me - I surely deserve it :o)

Julie said...

This post was awesome... I totally relate to it. I like to hear people's thoughts on psychology kinda stuff. You should be pensive more often; you're good at it. lol

I just started my blog and I'm really struggling with writing candidly about myself. I want to be transparent, but I find that I am crippled by a fear of rejection. Any advice is welcome.