21 August 2008

I can't believe it...

Today, I'm 30. Everyone says that turning 30 is the hardest of all adulthood decade changes, and that may be. The thing that amazes me is that, since I was a child, I always believed I wouldn't live to be 30. It seemed unrealistic and bizarre, something I always took as truth and something that would remain unchanged, no matter what I did. As recently as a few months ago, I still felt...not certain about it, but I felt it was a possibility that I wouldn't make it to this day.

But anyway, things as they were while growing up created this idea of impending death. Maybe it was something to look forward to, I don't know. I always felt restrained, almost enslaved in a sense, by something I can't quite articulate. I've felt as if I'm not my own person and I've never had full control of my desires, my actions, my beliefs or my decisions. I know it sounds a little strange but like it or not, it's my perceived truth.

And now, after all these years I've lived with this understanding, I find out that I actually cheated this aspect of Fate. It very well may change my worldview on several things. Will be interesting to follow.


Kris said...

Is this the part where I said "I told you so"? *Grins*

P.L. Frederick said...

Despite the U.S. media frenzy about being young (which isn't what you're expressing in your post), I've found that the passing of every decade means life is better and better. Being in your 20s is a time for wildness, for discovering/learning who you are. The 30s are more about becoming comfortable in your own skin. Enjoying who you are. Happy (belated) birthday to you!