21 August 2008
I can't believe it...
Today, I'm 30. Everyone says that turning 30 is the hardest of all adulthood decade changes, and that may be. The thing that amazes me is that, since I was a child, I always believed I wouldn't live to be 30. It seemed unrealistic and bizarre, something I always took as truth and something that would remain unchanged, no matter what I did. As recently as a few months ago, I still felt...not certain about it, but I felt it was a possibility that I wouldn't make it to this day.
But anyway, things as they were while growing up created this idea of impending death. Maybe it was something to look forward to, I don't know. I always felt restrained, almost enslaved in a sense, by something I can't quite articulate. I've felt as if I'm not my own person and I've never had full control of my desires, my actions, my beliefs or my decisions. I know it sounds a little strange but like it or not, it's my perceived truth.
And now, after all these years I've lived with this understanding, I find out that I actually cheated this aspect of Fate. It very well may change my worldview on several things. Will be interesting to follow.