08 September 2008
I think I'm hallucinating. I'm smelling something akin to a men's cologne...except Tannah doesn't wear any, and no one else is here. I've given no hugs today, and really I don't know many people who use cologne anyway. It's a clear scent, and it's bizarre.
Yesterday, Tannah and I finally got our hanbok photos done. Hanbok is traditional Korean clothing, and the style that Tannah and I have is rather formal and worn for weddings, funerals, graduations, religious ordinations...things of that nature. They're exceedingly expensive, and I'm so fortunate to have one. As for the final choices we made for the photos, I'm really happy with them, the colours are so vibrant; I am rarely satisfied with my appearance in photos (or otherwise) but I actually like these. I'm going to post some to MySpace sometime soon, I think...maybe here, too, but I haven't yet decided. We'll see. :)
Otherwise, I'm exhausted, I can't sleep, I think I forgot to take my meds today, and more than anything I want to get deliciously intoxicated. I don't care how. There's alot on my mind, alot of worry and yes, I understand that it doesn't help the situation when I freak out. Part of me wants to turn back time and change my course, and part of me wants only to move time forward to a more stable time.
So is smelling the cologne some kind of detached memory I'm experiencing? Or am I gonna wind up with late-onset schizophrenia? That would be really fucking unsavoury.
I want to hide in a dim room, wearing plain grey clothing and no shoes. I want to sit, think, practice stillness. I feel like an unfinished puzzle, and it intrigues me. Logan's been quiet again, Rhiannon too. Should I investigate? I need to sleep; I have only one week left on Jay's crew so I need my energy to completely drive him insane before I go. They're all gonna miss me...